Act I, sc i 4 yo: Mom, can you help me write a letter to my friend? Me: Sure, sweetheart. 4 yo: I want to say 'I love you. I hope you had fun on your birthday.' Me: (feeling proud) Oh, that's a very nice thing to say to your friend. 4 yo: Can you draw a stamp so we can mail it? Me: Of course! Good thinking. 4 yo: And, on the front, draw

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A few friends of mine, myself included, are having trouble getting into the holiday spirit this year.  I saw my first Christmas commercial on Halloween night which, if you remember, was a pretty long day as it was. Then within a week, I noticed it wasn’t just the one or two rogue families in town who put their Christmas lights out, it was one or two on every block. By Thanksgiving, trees started popping up

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Act I, sc i Me: You looked great, sweetheart. You fought really hard. 12 yo: (grunts, barely acknowledges the compliment) Me: You looked strong...you even flipped him twice, right? 12 yo: ...yeah, and then got slammed on my face. Me: (grimacing) Oh yeah, that was hard to watch. 12 yo: It was hard to feel. end scene. Motherhood, lately, is not playing to my skill set. Yes, I'm an empathetic listener, a creative problem solver,

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Last spring, I signed up for a writing class. It was a medium that I had never really explored before, save for clicking off quick texts intended to make my sister laugh. I was intimidated at the prospect but I signed up anyway. Truth be told, it was the only class I could find that A) didn't involve exercise and B) more or less worked within the limited hours of preschool. In the end, I

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Act I, sc i 4 yo: I'm a superhero! Me: (still not looking at him) Mmmmmhmmm. 4 yo: I'm Naked-Man! Me: (looking up, I see that he is, indeed, completely naked) 4 yo: Naked-Man doesn't even wear a cape! Me: (nodding) Makes sense.... and I worry for your college years. end scene. Having more than one child means constantly resetting the bar when it comes to parenting. Multiple children with different personalities and needs dictate decisions

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Act I, sc i 4 yo: This dog is smaller than our dog. Me: Yes, he's just a puppy. 4 yo: Our dog's ears are bigger. Me: Yup. 4 yo: Our dog's paws are bigger. Me: Yes, but this puppy is still growing. (4 yo gets on floor and looks under the puppy) 4 yo: Our dog's.... Me: Let's stop right there. We've had enough of these comparisons this election year. End scene. If you plan

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Act I, sc i Trainer: Okay, ladies! We're going to do a quick jog around the studio... Me: (whispering to my friend) Crap! I don't run. Trainer: Move those arms, ladies. Pump your arms! Me: (running, panting and moving my arms) Trainer: Jen G.!!! (looking at me) What are you doing?! Me: (running, panting, moving my arms faster) Trainer: You're running, Jen, not chopping vegetables. End scene. Yesterday, I was fortunate to meet up with a few old friends for

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Act I, sc i 12 year old: (looking at cell phone) I'm following you on Instagram now. Me: I know. I saw that you "liked" my picture. Did you read my post? 12 year old: I don't understand it. Why would you post that? Why do you use those hashtags? I don't think you know how to use Instagram. Me: (picking up laundry basket) I'm confused. If you don't like my post, why would you "like" it? 12 year old: Because you're my mom. End scene. There is finally a

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Act I, sc i 4 year old: Mom, don't get eaten by a shark. Me: Don't worry sweetheart, I won't. 4 year old: Well, you do look like a big tasty barnacle. End scene. My daughter started high school this September and I'm trying to play it cool. If you know me at all, you know that this is impossible because I have never played anything cool in my life. I’ve been told many times that

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Act 1, sc i Me: Look, girls, a new yoga studio. 14 yo friend: ANOTHER yoga place?! Me: This one is yoga and barre. 14 yo: It's a bar too? Other 14 yo: Not bar, barre. 14 yo friend: Could you imagine? A bar and yoga? That would be every mother’s dream. Me: You girls know way too much. End scene. My four year old whacked his head on the coffee table not once but

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